I suppose it all started when I was about three years old. At least, that's the first memory I have of being in contact with women's clothing.
I was watching my mother get ready for work while I was laying in a laundry basket filled with her things.
I was surrounded by the feminine, and it was very comforting.
Now, to those who might say that because of this experience I was destined to be a crossdresser and potentially have gender issues, I would counter with the following:
If a boy who is genetically heterosexual is raised in a gay environment, is he destined to be gay? The answer to that is of course, no. In point of fact, some African cultures require that young boys perform fellacio on the elders and swallow the seed as a symbol of accepting manhood.
This is done until the boy is a teen and considered a man himself. How many of those men lead homosexual lives? Would it surprise you to learn that the percentage is lower than that of men in the United States?
My love and desire for all things feminine are no different. I may have been born a genetic male, but emotionally and intellectually, I was 100% female; and I knew it very early on.
However, that's not where the story ends; it's where it begins. You see, being rasied in an environment where my desire to dress and act female was actively discouraged, I found myself more and more drawn to understand why.
After all, how could something my mind and body told me was right be so frightening to my family?
In a way, it was my family's active desire to thwart my choosen lifestyle that led me to learn who I truly was and why I was different.
And that search, led to my Mistress.

I first discovered Mind Mistress on a Winter's morning many years ago. Crossdressing aside, I had learned, quite by accident, that I was insanely aroused by watching women smoke.
A few quick searches on the web, and I was at the Mistress' site rapidly realizing that I was not alone in my fetish. I also found something very different, and very special.
I had experienced a few group trance sessions in the chat room, and although I felt something, I wasn't really sure exactly what I was feeling.
I know now that what I was feeling were triggers being planted as well as being given a subtle addiction to those trances through very positive reenforcement.
I was also told to start smoking again. Even though I had given up years before, the overwhelming urge was back, and I simply had to have a cigarette.
I immediately went out and bought a pack. The first drag was much like having a small orgasm. I'd forgotten just how wondeful it felt to have that creamy smoke flowing into my lungs.
Inhale.. Exhale.. Relaxation and something else. Something... nice.
More chats, more smoking... I read all of the stories. I stared into the flash files for hours. Then I purchased a couple of CD sessions.
Without realizing the connection, my overall confidence began to rise. I was feeling extremely feminine and my dressing pleasure increased greatly. In fact, it got to the point that I had to tell my girlfriend that I was a crossdresser and needed to stay dressed as much as I could.
She informed me that she would leave me if I didn't give up all that nonsense. So I did.
I destroyed the CDs. I burned my clothes. I gave up smoking, again. I deleted every flash file, MP3, picture and story I had and decided to go on with my life without Mistress.
And that is when I learned just how deeply I had already submitted to Mistress. That is when she came to take me back.