Femme Your Hubby – Installment # 1

by: A. K. Remenko

Reposted with permission from Fictionmania.com

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Warning: Do not let your wife or girlfriend see this! The consequences could be terrible – or terrific? Here are detailed instructions on how to feminize your husband.

Preface:

I have been privileged to learn a few things by being permitted to observe the work of some very accomplished individuals. For what it’s worth, I’ll share what I’ve learned or at least THINK I have learned. A FAQ section is being prepared. Questions should be emailed to AKRemenko2002@yahoo.com. Flames and the like will be ignored and cheerfully deleted. Not for dissemination to minors under any circumstance(s).

Part I. Introduction

1. It is presumed that the reader has some interest in pursuing the feminization of her husband (or male “significant other” the terms being used interchangeably here) and is desirous of obtaining some insight into the process. What is presented is a combination of personal experience and the input of a number of persons who have had such experience. It does not purport to be the definitive work on the subject as others may have experience or methods not covered here or those that conflict.

2. What motivations are there for pursuing this course of action? Some women do it for revenge; they may discover their husband has been unfaithful or they discover he has been in fact crossdressing for some time and has attempted to conceal the fact (rarely successful indefinitely). Some are at the limit of their patience with a macho, sexist attitude. “Golf widows” or “sports widows” or those with husbands afflicted by other distasteful attributes also come to mind. At the other end of the scale, some wives perceive (generally rightly) that their husbands WANT them to do it. The “kinkier” aspects of human sexuality motivate some wives. Last, but not least, some do it just because it’s so much gosh darned fun. The benefits to be derived vary and are discussed later.

3. Who can accomplish it? It can be done by, quite literally, any woman who is committed to getting it done AND who masters the necessary techniques. While the task may seem daunting at first, experience has shown that failure is a rare commodity indeed, success being measured by the woman achieving HER goals as regards the level of feminization and social aspects of the subject. Many women ask, “How far can I go?” and the answer is generally “As far as you’d like” given unalterable constraints. It must be understood that certain attributes of the subject are a limiting factor. Generally younger, less imposing physical specimens can be made far more feminine in appearance. The sooner one starts the more esthetically pleasing the results, given that reasonable goals are established.

4. Where does one start? This work presumes that the subject is currently NOT a crossdresser (or transvestite or transsexual or transgendered). A woman who DOES have a subject that possesses these traits has the so-called “leg up” on the process and should simply select a point in the process that they deem comparable to the subject’s present status and proceed from there.

5. Who is a suitable subject? At one time the author’s view was that since (depending on one’s source) something on the order of 10% (or more?) of the male population was to some extent TG active (TG = transgendered, used here to encompass CD, TV, TS) the other 90% of the population not actively involved was “immune.” This is clearly NOT, repeat NOT the case. While some are highly predisposed and find TG activity irresistible, those that are not active cannot be presumed to have “zero predisposition”. In other words, some are past the threshold of activity while others are varying distances from that threshold. The greater the distance, the longer (and frequently more arduous) the task. A good analogy might be pushing a laden snow sled to the top of a hill in order to have it coast down the far side. The active TG is analogous to a sled perched at the top of the hill where a gentle push sends it sliding effortlessly down the slope. The most difficult subject is analogous to a heavily laden sled at the bottom of the hill. To move the sled to the top of the hill directly may be impossible. However, by employing a switchback technique (moving laterally back and forth across the slope with only a small rise on each leg) the objective can be achieved. It’s only a matter of time and effort. The population distribution can be likened to sleds scattered on the slope, some near mid-slope, some nearer the top and others nearer the bottom all with varying loads. Distance from the top of the hill represents psychological predisposition and load weight inversely represents physical suitability (I.e. the less physically suitable, the greater the weight.) At this time it is unclear whether this distribution follows what is referred to in statistics as “normal curve” or “normal distribution”. Remember that there exist many subjects with a high level of predisposition who may not act (e.g. won’t even crossdress secretly)! Many potential subjects strongly desire the wife to take this course but are afraid to broach the subject fearing an angry response, ridicule, breakup of the marriage, embarrassment and etc. Repression of this desire frequently results in a combination of unhappiness, stress and feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.

6. To conclude the introduction, there is one point that should be given very, very careful consideration. In many aspects of human relationships some things that are done cannot be undone. This is one of them. “Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it”, certainly applies here.

Part II. Getting started

Fundamental concepts

This is an exercise in control, albeit psychological control. Control, once achieved and PROPERLY maintained is difficult to lose. Once lost however it is difficult (if not impossible) to regain. Individual instances of resistance, or backsliding not dealt with will empower the subject and cumulatively can compromise (fatally) the entire process. This is not to say that from time-to-time the wife will not have to adjust her pace or the timing of certain steps.

Time has proven that a slow, steady and consistently progressive approach yields the best overall results. “Too much too soon”, frequently produces resistance not only at greater levels but also with greater frequency (far more dangerous) threatening the control aspect. Steadiness refers to consistency of execution. This is not something one does for a few weeks and then abandons for a lengthy period. This in essence amounts to re-starting the process again and is a waste of valuable time and effort. “Progressive” implies that the process is always moving forward, never backward until all goals are achieved. Elements are added, never removed. It may be necessary from time-to-time to reduce the RATE of change, or to even plateau for a period of time to allow the subject to acclimate to recent, significant changes.

The wife must always keep uppermost in her mind the human motivational factors. They are easy to remember, as there are only two. They are anticipation of gain and fear of loss. The reader may recognize these as somewhat analogous to the proverbial “carrot and stick”. Employ the stick as seldom as possible, unless of course the subject really wants it.

Ninety percent of luck is preparation (or perspiration depending on one’s source). The astute wife will have a plan of action complete with contingency plans should the original plan need periodic revision. One should never, never act impetuously or without a clear reason for taking action. “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” and if it IS broke be sure, to the fullest extent possible, that the contemplated action WILL fix it and that right smartly.

Knowledge is power and most wives have more knowledge and consequently power than they are aware of. The key factor here is the subject doesn’t know what the wife does or does not know. There is simply no point in cluing them in! In point of fact ALL husbands have done things that they would hope the wife never learn of and in most cases she hasn’t. What those things are really doesn’t matter at all. What matters most is that the subject is unsure whether or not the wife knows them. He may ASSUME so, but he doesn’t KNOW to a certainty that she doesn’t or that she never will. This is poker and you don’t want the opponent seeing your cards (Poker players know the power of a heavily bet “pat hand”). The subject carries a certain amount of guilt because of these things and there is no advantage to lightening the perceived load.

For example, the husband may at some point balk at the process, particularly a significant step. Some even do a fair amount of whining about being asked to do certain things. The wife could try whining too, e.g. “After all I’ve done for you”, etc. At BEST this leads to a stalemate. Worse, there may be no change of position, the subject may thwart the step AND reduce the wife’s level of control. This is hardly desirable. If on the other hand the wife looks the subject straight in the eye and says something like “Well, I never complained about the time you…oh…never mind.” and then STOPS the subject is stuck. When the husband asks what she’s talking about the wife simply (glowering a bit helps here) replies, “you KNOW what I’m talking about” and brushes off further inquiries with “never mind” or “I don’t even want to discuss it.” If the wife DOES have knowledge of one of these evil deeds she should never specify it unless there is absolutely no other alternative. Once out in the open, subsequent references to it are just perceived as nagging and its value is lost forever.

The husband’s first reaction is of course that the wife has knowledge of one or more (all?) of his transgressions and his immediate concern is WHICH one(s). He certainly won’t rattle them off in an attempt to discover which particular item the wife is referring to (thereby loading the wife’s “virtual pistol”). This employs the guilt aspect to far better effect than, for example, “counter whining”. Is the “virtual pistol” loaded or not? Does he find out by having the wife pull the trigger or does he back down? This is quite clearly a tactic to be employed sparingly and best saved for critical situations but it illustrates the point. Sometimes just a look will do. Husband makes a statement and all he gets in return is the “I know something you don’t know I know” look in reply and maybe a “Riiiiiiight” or a rolling of the eyes thrown in for good measure.

Conversely the wife should NEVER allow herself to be CAUGHT in a lie. Be patient. There are some things the wife may want to do, but must defer doing. This is because to do them would require deceit that could be uncovered hence reducing control (more on this later). The wife can freely lie about what she’s planning or what she’s thinking or what she wants, as these can never be proved false. If later events prove them incorrect she simply invokes the female prerogative, “I changed my mind.”

Lastly there is the issue of sex, referring to activity not gender. It has an immense bearing here. Like it or not the subject either already derives some level of sexual gratification and/or excitement from feminization (CD’ing and the like) or will do so in the future. Sex is the biggest “carrot” around; think of a carrot the size of a railroad boxcar if that helps. Couple that with the fact that women have virtually ALL the sexual power and authority in our society (moral and legal) and one has a tool of incalculable power. (E.g. wives who refuse to have sexual relations go to sleep, husbands that physically force relations can go to jail.) Use this power wisely and with a view to the fact that one is involved in a progressive enterprise. Find out what works and what doesn’t and save the “high value” activity for rewarding appropriate behavior, especially “milestone” type achievements by the subject.

Understand that even practicing TGurls (CD, TS, TV but excluding traditionally gay males who do drag) have NO interest in men when in “boy mode”; they are not “gay” in the generally understood sense. Most will admit to at least a certain amount of “curiosity” about bisexual behavior when en femme (this usually first surfaces as an interest in other TGurls). In addition gay men have no interest in TGurls simply because they have no interest in the feminine image; their interest is reserved for the male image.

Why then do the vast majority of TGurls that go out as gurls frequent gay bars? It’s simple; “drag” has been a part of the gay scene for ages and more importantly it is the ONE place where the TGurls can be sure of a decent level of acceptance. (E.g. don’t try this at your local biker bar.) Many gay males still intensely dislike the TG lifestyle because they perceive that it worsens the gay stereotype they have worked years to overcome; ironic, no? There will be a lot more on this later.

Phase I. Building a foundation

This is an especially critical phase. This is not because anything of great significance is accomplished. Quite the contrary, to the uninitiated observer nothing is going on! It is however the foundation on which all else is built. Errors or carelessness here can cast ripples throughout the process and cause great difficulty later. The objectives here are gathering intelligence, developing the initial plan, taking a few initial small steps and most importantly learning to use the concept that will be employed throughout the process and at every level. That concept is to reward femme and discourage male behavior. At the beginning it must be done ever so subtly, so as to be undetectable. The ability to do this requires practice and the sooner one starts the sooner one learns.

This concept is the antithesis of what the subject has been trained since childhood to expect in a marital or “relationship” setting. Happily enough women have been advocating that men be more “sensitive” and “caring” and “nurturing” (read “soft”?) in demeanor for some time so the skids have been well greased, so to speak. If wives are unsure of the benefits of “women’s lib” they know of at least one now. Many men have harkened to the call; even if not complete converts they are sensitive to being referred to as male chauvinists, or the like. What had been traditionally considered more feminine psychological deportment is more in vogue for men today than ever before. When the author contrasts the current environment with that of years past the difference is startling. A SO who is now referred to as “compassionate, caring, sensitive and nurturing” today would have been earned the appellation “pussy whipped” (or worse) not that all that long ago.

Intelligence as to the subjects posture vis-a-vis the TG lifestyle must be gathered. Asking directly is of no use; since he is, after all, a male he will undoubtedly lie; further it just puts him on his guard. One wants her gurl-to-be doing a lot of things, but thinking isn’t one of them. Rather, determine his posture by observing his reactions to any situation that even remotely borders on this topic. Further, the wife should ensure that she NEVER makes derogatory comments about the lifestyle. Finding it even passably interesting is excellent technique. Covert activity should include checking the home computer; C:windowscookies and the temporary Internet file folder in the C:windows directory can provide insights to hubby’s computer use. (If this is Greek, ask anyone reasonably familiar with MS PC operating systems like Win98 or Win ME et seq. Mac users are on their own.) Carefully arranging ones lingerie so any disturbance is easily detected is another good step. Small items carefully and consistently placed can act as effective alarms. “Less intellectually gifted” TGurls are frequently tripped up by the fact the wife’s clothing and/or shoes are inexplicably stretched out or worn. Many TGurls fear discovery so much that they don’t buy their own things but wear the wife’s. Also, make full use of the web; there is a staggering amount of information available on the lifestyle. A little poking around in the garage, attic, or basement frequently yields “gold” too. (Garages being a particular favorite.)

As the intelligence gathering proceeds an initial, rough plan can start taking shape. Items to be considered should include at a minimum setting goals, defining steps to be taken (incremental activity), timing, how one will deal with resistance, subject strengths and weaknesses (e.g. physical, emotional and etc.) and the best way to use them. Understand that at no time is the plan “cast in concrete”. The process is dynamic and frequent changes are to be expected. Achieving the end goals is what counts; how one arrives at them is irrelevant.

A few small steps should also be taken as a sort of “kick off” to the execution of the plan. These involve beginning the assumption of control. The first is very innocuous; simply stop using the subject’s boy name. “Honey”, “sweetie”, “sweetheart” (be careful with “cutie” now though) and the like should be used consistently. As the process progresses the femme name the wife selects (or approves) will be used with increasing frequency but this phase is too soon for that. Compliments on physical appearance are also appropriate, but NOT male characteristic flattering compliments; e.g. NOT “My you have nice big arms” but rather, “nice legs”, or “cute butt” and etc. The wife should always think of the subject in terms of “her” or “she” rather than “him” or “he”. A small point to be sure but the appropriate mindset is necessary. Do not USE (vocalize) these terms in unguarded fashion at this time.

Picture of him before process

The second item is to learn to control conversation, a skill that will be most useful as the process progresses. How does one do that? Simple, just ask questions. For example, if the subject says something like “Why don’t you ever call me Bill (or Don or Tom or whatever) any more?” don’t defend with an answer, control with a question. For example, one might respond with “Why honey, why on earth would you ask me that?” One asks questions until one finds out what is at issue (more information gathering). Concluding responses should be geared toward reassuring and enhancing self-esteem.

In the example cited a concluding comment might be “Because I love you so much” or “You ARE such a sweetheart”, etc. If pressed (as if the subject’s masculine self image is being threatened) it is perfectly acceptable to look hurt and pout a little. After all, one was being affectionate! This will almost always produce a feeling of guilt in the subject (too much is never enough) and will provide an incentive to please as compensation. This is the desired result. Repetition of this process over time yields what’s referred to as a “conditioned response” (Pavlov knew what he was talking about) in that resistance yields guilt, hence willingness to please, hence submission. Once submission is adopted as the norm resistance fades, as the subject no longer wishes to suffer loss by feeling guilty. (Recall the two human motivational factors?)

This is only an example and a minor one at that but the concept should be clear nonetheless. It’s the concept that counts. There is no way to anticipate every possible situation or form of resistance that may surface. If the concept(s) are understood, wives find a way to prevail.

There is saying in sports, particularly football, that the best defense is a good offense (team B can’t score if team A has the ball). Just be Team A. I’ll cite an example and give a tip o’ the hat to a wife in NYC who illustrated this skill to perfection. Her hubby was in his mid-twenties and the wife (we’ll call her “Judy” here) was 23. It is scary to realize that a woman so young was so astute. Judy described her hubby as “pretty, even as a boy”.

At any rate, after more than six months of work, she had her gurl ready to go out as a gurl for the very first time; she was dressed to thrill, makeup perfect and looking very hot. She was a pro at walking in heels with a nice little wiggle to boot. In paratroop/airborne parlance Judy’s TGurl “stuck in the door”. She dead, flat, solid balked with a cab waiting down at the curb. “Judy” looked her gurl in the eye and said, “After all this effort are you telling me that you’re too big a sissy to do this?”

This was completely extemporaneous. Consider the implications. The TGurl evidently balked at the thought of having her masculinity threatened by going out as a gurl. Judy’s counter was not only to cast doubt on her gurl’s masculinity by implying that her gurl was a “sissy” if she DIDN’T go, she did it in the form of a question! No threats. No shouting. No whining.

Imagine the TGurls perspective. There she is in a hoochie-mama mini-dress and all the trimmings faced with two alternatives; either she goes out and LOOKS (to others) like a sissy or she doesn’t go out and ADMITS to her wife that she IS one thereby invalidating her resistance in the first place! It just does not get any better than this. It is, dear reader, work with grand style, exhibiting thorough knowledge of the concepts and her subject. They were in the cab a few minutes later with the trip to the cab including an elevator ride with another tenant.

Another New Yorker comes to mind, the legendary columnist Damon Runyon. There is an old quotation (excerpt from a poem, author?) that goes something like this:

The race is not always to the swift,
Nor the battle to the strong.

To which Mr. Runyon appended:

But that’s the way to bet.

Phase II. Introducing the subject to the process

This is where proper preparation will begin to pay off. If one’s subject is already a TGurl, one might be tempted to skip this portion but it is not advised. There are things to be aware of for that group as well in this section.

Before commencing the “nuts and bolts” portion of this phase a brief discussion of TGurl psychological development is in order. Irrespective of age, TGurls go through much the same developmental process vis-a-vis feminization as GG’s (GG = genetic girl, or “real woman”) do. That is, just because she’s thirty-five years old (or more!) for example don’t think she’s not going to want to dress like a teenager or twenty-something.

TGurls progress through much the same time line as GG’s do; the process is time compressed and the earlier phases must be achieved to the TGurl’s (yes, occasionally she’s going to have things her way) satisfaction. Indeed, some get “stuck” in the younger girl image and never move beyond it.

This characteristic can be most trying at times and the wife will be sorely tempted on many occasions to be overtly critical of it; don’t do it. Bite one’s lip, engage in a little primal scream therapy or take YOURSELF shopping, but don’t get on the gurl about this. They are leaning to be feminine just like (well, maybe not JUST like) any GG did. For instance one wife (“Abby” US Great Lakes region) said that it used to drive her to distraction listening to her gurl chat on the phone with a TGurl friend. The wife said, “She’d spend (note the wife’s use of the feminine pronoun “she”) forever on the phone tittering and giggling like a 14 year old in a high pitched voice and it would drive me nuts. I’d gently close the door and turn the radio up a bit so I couldn’t hear it.” This is, of course, a correct response.

Further, the process will not always be smooth and predictable. It’s going to move in fits and starts occasionally and there is absolutely no telling when these will occur nor can anything be done to alter that. Just deal with it; it is what it is.

Don’t give the gurl any reason to suspect that any of this perturbs you; put your “game face” on and keep it on. When in doubt, smile. If one’s gurl was already a TG and one knew about it AND one had expressed displeasure in the past, this is going to have to change. It can’t be an abrupt change because the gurl will immediately be suspicious, as in “what’s up with this all of a sudden?” Over time become more accepting, friendly and supportive (dare one say solicitous?) at a rate that will not raise any suspicion.

There are many ways to introduce the subject to the process and which is selected doesn’t matter so long as the objective is achieved. If the wife has any ideas that she feels would work they certainly should be employed. However, one method in particular has proven consistently successful in use with a wide variety of subjects and it’s the method to be discussed here.

Simply put, men are suckers for sex. Remember the old adage “God gave men two heads but only enough blood to run one at a time”, cynical perhaps but dead on. Women’s sex drives are generally just as strong as a man’s are, one difference being frequency. It’s not uncommon for wives to femme hubby so as to provide an alternative sexual outlet so the wife isn’t “pestered” so often. Women’s drives peak later in life but also have a tendency to decline more rapidly with age.

If the target (hubby, male SO) has been complaining (men do a LOT of whining about this) about lack of spontaneity or variety in the couple’s sex life, it presents a perfect opportunity. Introduce a little “bedroom kink” by telling the subject that it would be really stimulating or exciting or hot if the subject would wear a pair of panties. If the TGurl has any reasonable level of predisposition, she’s going to jump all over this. If the TGurl asks a lot of questions, the wife already knows how to control the conversation from having mastered the art previously. Above all, when the subject agrees, the wife should respond very enthusiastically. (Adult women, especially married adult women, who have not yet mastered the art of the fake orgasm, are hereby referred to their female friends for advice.)

It’s going to come up eventually and now is just as good a time as any. The ultimate sexual reward for men is oral sex. Men, married men in particular, have one overriding complaint about their partner’s sexual proclivities and that is many women either don’t like it or flat out won’t perform fellatio. (There’s an old joke; What do eggs benedict and a good blowjob have in common? Answer: They are two things you can’t get at home.)

The wife has to do what she has to do. Have a few drinks first, think about something else (hint: paybacks are a bitch), treat oneself to something special afterward, or whatever. Nobody said this was going to be easy and the wife has already been advised that total commitment to the process is a must. For those wives who are truly put off by this, here’s a little trick that may help. The wife should get a piece of paper and on it write the integers fifty through one in descending order. Every time the wife finds it necessary to administer oral sex she will cross off the highest remaining number. In the history of this enterprise NO wife who disliked performing oral sex has ever gotten to the number one. (If the reader is the first, she has done something wrong.)

If the wife DOES enjoy performing oral sex she should simply work on improving her technique and/or frequency. This builds up big “points” in her favor that can be called upon later. In addition, balky subjects can be confronted with the possibility of diminished activity of this sort if they resist (remember fear of loss?).

In the (highly) unlikely event the oral sex isn’t the hubby’s trigger here (more on “triggers” later) something else is. It might be dirty talk during sex, XXX rated videos or some other long harbored fantasy. If one doesn’t know, one should find out (does intelligence gathering ring a bell?). Maintain a stiff upper lip throughout, figuratively speaking.

The first pair of panties employed should probably be the wife’s as that makes the event seem more spontaneous and will be less likely to alert the subject that something is afoot. However, this will also be the LAST pair of panties belonging to the wife that the subject will ever (to the extent it can be prevented) don. It is absolutely critical that the subject has her own TGurl things and the sooner acquisition of these things commences, the better.

This is true for several reasons. Would the wife really want the subject wearing her things? Of course not, they are unlikely to fit properly, they will likely be damaged and beyond that is the wife going to want to wear them again (aka the “eewwww” factor)? The next time the wife suggests the husband wear panties again will present the opportunity of giving the subject a gift or treat or reward, namely the subject’s own pair of panties.

Reward your gurl with nice clothes
Picture of him after process

Thus, one begins a conditioning regime that will be maintained indefinitely or at least as long as necessary. It is a prerequisite for further progress that the subject begin to view HERSELF as a femme persona in her own right rather than simply an extension of the wife’s persona. In addition, she should be encouraged to develop her own “sense of style”. (The “slutty” or “trashy” or “tarty” look is common; don’t moan, it does present certain advantages.) The subject’s own, personal femme clothing is tangible evidence, nay proof, of the existence of the subject’s emerging or already extant feminine alter ego. This concept cannot be stressed too strongly; it will be continuously and consistently applied in all phases. If it is not grasped and properly employed, failure at one point or another is inevitable.

Indeed, once the first pair of panties is purchased for the subject they should be kept in a separate drawer containing nothing else! As the gurl’s inventory of femme items grows, they will be added to the drawer or other drawers or closets, as the case may be, reserved solely for that purpose. (One wife can attest to the usefulness of this arrangement. Her hubby, well along in the process, put up unexpected and stiff resistance to a rather major step. It was the “I’m not a gurl, I’m a man” type tactic. The wife simply pulled open a few drawers, opened a closet door and gesturing to an array of lingerie, dresses, high heeled, shoes, wigs and etc. simply asked, “Well then, to whom do these things belong?” Clearly impossible if the hubby wore only the wife’s things.)

Continued, progressive femming is rewarded with enthusiastic, rewarding (for the subject at least) sexual activity, accompanied by periodic “treats” or rewards (more femme things) that heighten the subject’s ANTICIPATION of future activity (remember anticipation of gain?).

After she has her first pair of panties, simply add things. More lingerie, or a nightie, or a few small pieces of costume jewelry are all appropriate items. Don’t MAKE her go out and buy her own things yet; in future, it will be hard to stop her from doing so but forcing it now is too “pushy”. Don’t go “whole hog” here; acquire these things over time, present then as gifts at reasonably well-spaced intervals and follow up with enthusiastic response when she wears them.

If (Praise the Lord) she ever asks for something in particular, by all means get it. However, just don’t give it to her. That would amount to walking away from a heaven-sent opportunity. “Why?” one might ask (golly, you’re learning already.) This leads us to yet another of the basic concepts, namely “TANSTAAFL”.

Yes, TANSTAAFL, an acronym for “there ain’t no such thing as a free lunch.” If one wants to get something, one has to give something. Any time she wants anything femme she gets it with the proviso that she do something to move the process forward. One should NEVER, NEVER violate this rule.

For example it’s the author’s bet (to his last dime, shilling, whatever) that one of her requests will eventually, sooner than later, be a garterbelt (suspender in UK parlance) and hose. These items have caused more TGurl erections than all the centerfolds in all the men’s magazines combined, with plenty to spare.

An example here would be appropriate. “Gwen” (not her real name of course), a mid-thirties wife in the Midwest US was presented with exactly this scenario. Her gurl had been started and was beginning to respond nicely. Gwen later discovered that her gurl had crossdressed occasionally before they were married and, like most TGurls, concealed it from his wife. (Gwen made spectacular use of this very odious TGurl habit subsequently. More on that subject later.)

As best can be recalled, here is the scenario. Gwen had by this time acquired two nighties for her gurl. She had recently purchased an imitation pearl necklace for her gurl. On the night in question the gurl was going to wear it for the first time during “play time.”

Gwen to hubby in the bathroom: “Sweetheart (!!! No femme name yet) which nightie would you like, the white one or the peach?”

Hubby: (mumbled, unintelligible response, then emerges from the bathroom looking down in the mouth)

Gwen (astute and ready for anything does not slip up): “Is something wrong?” (Question!! taking control, proactive rather than reactive. Also making eye contact that is quickly avoided by hubby, sign that there is an issue.)

Hubby: “No, not really.” (Incomplete denial)

Gwen: “Come on now, I can see something is troubling you” (Superb, assertive, delivers a message of superior knowledge of the subject as well as perceived empathy), “how can I help you?” (Oh my, all the right emotional appeal still maintaining control)

Hubby: “It’s just that, well, the nighties are nice but may be I could try something else?” (Well conditioned, seeking permission)

Gwen: “Of course honey, what would you like?”

What surfaced was hubby wanted a garterbelt and hose, however Gwen just didn’t “give it up”. She responded that it was certainly a possibility and she’d give it some thought. Brilliant! Why? She maintained anticipation (she didn’t say no) and she maintained fear of loss by saying she’d “give it some thought”(it wasn’t a done deal yet).

Gwen of course purchased the item. Before presenting it, Gwen explained to her gurl that wearing hose over hairy legs would look “gross” and would really put her off, etc. (a possible sexual penalty appealing to fear of loss). So Gwen achieved a milestone (shaved legs) BEFORE the treat was presented.

Gwen was saved a lot of maneuvering to get hubby to start shaving, hubby got what he wanted (and then some) AND the TGurl perceived it was really her idea in the first place. It was a win, win, win. TANSTAAFL was shaved legs (payment in advance) for the garterbelt, something hubby would have gladly worn in the first place. And probably most importantly the concept of progression was established, always more and never less. The gurl is conditioned to regard each step as a small thing as certainly they all are. The cumulative effect becomes apparent only after time.

Any request is an opportunity. Even resistance can present such opportunities if handled correctly. There has been little discussion of dealing with resistance to this point. Typically, there isn’t any resistance to speak of through the first two phases. If a wife can’t get her gurl to wear a pair of panties during (rewarding) play, or buy her gurl a nightie, etc. something is seriously amiss. The best bet is preparation was seriously flawed or the initial approach to the process was handled in clumsy fashion.

Exercises: (What? The reader didn’t expect homework?)

Given the information supplied, analyze each situation with respect to your personal situation and develop as many plans of action, or actions or responses as you can. Identify opportunities and elements of gain or loss for your gurl.

P.2.1. You’re at home alone with hubby and the conversation gets around to sex and he expresses some dissatisfaction with the current practice(s).

P.2.2 You attend a costume party and one of the male guests is dressed en femme. Hubby doesn’t comment at the party. You’re alone in the car with him on the way home.

P.2.3 Same as P.2.2 except on the way home hubby brings up the subject with something like “Did you see the way X was dressed?” without implying either a negative or positive reaction when she says it.

P.2.4 You find evidence that hubby has been visiting TGurl websites on the computer.

P.2.5 You’re out with a group of friends (couples) and hubby makes some comment, even jokingly, implying that your sex life is lacking in some either particular or general respect. (They can be such oafs.)

P.2.6 Hubby forgets a “big day”, e.g. birthday or anniversary of any sort.

P.2.7 Hubby has spent a “boy’s night out” (golf outing, poker game and etc.) and arrives home later than expected, a little bit tipsy and feeling “frisky”.

P.2.8 Same as P.2.8 except hubby showers and goes to bed.

P.2.9 You’ve successfully gotten your gurl to wear your panties the first time. You purchase her first panties but she doesn’t want to wear them insisting she would prefer to wear yours.

Phase III. Introducing progression and building conditioned response

This phase will begin with a discussion of goals and goal setting. That is because, for some wives this may be the last phase; all their goals are achieved with the completion of this phase and there is no need to go further. Wives that typically fall into this group have no interest in getting their gurl to go out as a gurl or become involved in more social aspect of the process. Examples would include a family setting that is viewed as prohibitive (e.g. children in the home), physical attributes of the subject that limit further development (e.g. age, appearance, etc.) or other restrictive criteria (lack of an appropriate social venue, local social pressure and etc.).

While the previous two phases are ordinarily brief, typically a matter of weeks or a few months at most, the third phase can be quite lengthy depending on the subject’s level of predisposition to being femmed. Wives fortunate enough to have hubbies who are already TGurls often breezed through this phase effortlessly. For others it can be most trying.

This is precisely why reasonable goal setting is necessary and why it will be discussed at this point. Goals generally fall into the following groups: appearance, socialization (interaction with others excluding the wife), relationship issues (interaction with the wife), control issues on an ongoing basis and any goals the wife establishes for herself as an outgrowth of the process. Most wives have very specific goals in certain of these areas but are less sure about or have not considered others. The key thing one should remember is goals in one area may impact or influence goals in another. Building a framework that takes these interrelationships into account is a prerequisite for creation of a workable plan.

The meaning of “appearance goals” should be self-evident. One should set goals that are reasonable for the gurl-to-be involved. Clearly a husband who is large and/or extremely hirsute is going to present a real challenge as is one that is further along in years. However if the wife’s socialization plan does not include her gurl going out as a gurl, this becomes less critical. This is an example of what was meant by taking interrelationships into account. The potential for younger, more petite husbands is of course much greater. Even a cursory tour of the web will provide examples of some strikingly attractive and feminine TGurls.

The subject’s weight is frequently an issue. Sad to say men of the industrialized western nations tend to be overweight, particularly those in the US. This is not only a barrier to esthetically appealing feminization, it’s downright unhealthy. As was discussed before opportunities can be found where least expected. Placing the subject on a diet affords another opportunity to exercise control and further condition the subject to accept direction submissively.

In addition, if part of the plan includes placing the subject on HRT (hormone replacement therapy, i.e. administering feminine hormones to enhance appearance, certainly neither required nor even desirable for some) lower weight helps as hormones normally increase body weight by increasing the body fat percentage. Hormones also help with male pattern baldness and can significantly impact body hair growth by reducing it. These are in addition of course to the other areas of breast development and overall figure enhancement. There are any number of sources on the web for information on hormones and the reader is referred to those sources and of course the counsel of an appropriately trained physician.

Clothing selection can be a very powerful adjunct to weight control. Purchasing very attractive clothing in sizes smaller than the subject is capable of wearing presents a powerful incentive for the gurl to adhere to the diet and reinforces control. For example, purchasing size 8 dresses for a gurl who is a size 10, and is capable of losing the weight necessary to wear the smaller size, is one frequently employed tactic.

Other appearance goals to be established would include hair (grown longer or purchase of wigs), depilation, eyebrow contouring, ear piercing, body piercing, nail care and etc. These goals can seldom be achieved concurrently and many are best accomplished over a period of time (e.g. eyebrow thinning and contouring) so as to be less obvious to others. The TGurl may strongly desire certain of these and of course that would present another TANSTAAFL opportunity.

Socialization goals are established to guide the gurl in her relationship with the “outside world.” Some wives are desirous, for any number of reasons, to have their gurls date men others are appalled by the thought. “Date” is used here to include social and/or sexual interaction. The same is true of the subject’s interaction with other TGurls.

Many highly predisposed subjects find the thought of being cuckolded very appealing, even erotic. It’s not uncommon to hear TGurls express the thought that their wives “deserve a real man”. For some the just thought or fantasy is appealing others really want it to happen. Why this is true is not completely clear. One theory is prevalent however. Since TGurls frequently repress or hide their predisposition they are subject to a great deal of stress. This stress can manifest itself in the form of “performance anxiety” in the bedroom with the wife. The masculine/feminine duality of their personalities becomes conflicted from moving to and fro between the two roles. Cuckolding the gurl relieves performance anxiety because there just isn’t any performance to be anxious about; masturbation during femme episodes is de rigueur so there is a ready-made outlet. Many TGurls also thrive on humiliation; cuckolding and humiliation are self-reinforcing.

Many wives who have boyfriends after (more on this later) their gurl is femmed are surprised to find their gurls are actually relieved when this occurs. This leads us to a discussion of TGurl sexuality, which is yet another of the fundamental concepts that must be understood vis-a-vis socialization.

In browsing TGurl websites wives will frequently find websites (or profiles) stating that the TGurl in question is “100% heterosexual” (i.e. interested only in GG’s) the frequency of occurrence of this phrase, verbatim, is startling. It is of course 100% balderdash. There is no such thing as a 100% heterosexual TGurl. There is in fact no such thing as 100% ANYTHING, heterosexual or homosexual. The wife will also note it is not unusual to find such profiles in various web service “clubs” with names like “crossdresser for men” or “crossdresser looking for straight men” or the like, which is clearly contra-indicated.

Why is this so? The response of the uninitiated upon learning a husband is a TGurl is to immediately assume that the gurl is “gay” resulting in a great deal of paranoia by the wife. It was previously pointed out that this fear is unfounded. The paranoia can be directly linked to the dreadful proliferation of AIDS, which was INITIALLY propagated almost exclusively in the gay lifestyle. Such is no longer the case. However, the stigma has persisted. So TGurl’s whose status is known to the wife frequently make the “100% heterosexual” line obvious in the website/profile to preempt the wife’s concern. TGurls are typically better educated than the rest of the population and “safe sex” is the norm. (As an aside, the AIDS epidemic probably set the TG movement back twenty or thirty years. Had it not been for the emergence of the web to facilitate dissemination of information on the TG lifestyle things today would be very different indeed. With the web and no AIDS concern the lifestyle would have expanded far more dramatically.)

Another reason of course is denial (no, it’s not just a river in Egypt). Many TGurls are trying to convince themselves that they have no bisexual tendencies just as hard as they are trying to convince others. Many profiles in particular literally scream “NO MEN” and the like in caps (to which the author mentally appends the word “yet” and moves on). It is absolutely pointless to attempt discuss any of this with these individuals; they must come to grips with it on their own terms. Some, regrettably, never do.

The phrase “Methinks thou doth protest too much” comes to mind. If truly secure in their self-professed “100% heterosexual” status, approaches by men would roll off them like water off a duck’s back. Subconsciously however, they know the score and adopt a strident stance to insulate them from temptation. Obvious self-contradictory statements abound; e.g. it’s not all that rare to see a profile containing the “100%” disclaimer accompanied by something on the order of “only interested in GG’s AND OTHER TGURLS (!!!!! Caps by the authors.) Need more be said?

Grab a piece of paper and pencil as visualizing that which follows aids understanding and makes it easier to remember. Consider a number line from negative one (-1) through zero (0) to positive one (+1) where -1 represents “100% heterosexual”, 0 represents “100% bisexual” and +1 represents “100% homosexual”, i.e. perfectly straight, perfectly bi or perfectly gay respectively. Excepting asexual persons, all individuals lay some place (i.e. one place) on the line and that position typically moves little during their lifetime. This is the B (Beta) point.